Cornish cars
Since our holiday in Dougal the camper van I have been thinking of our dearly departed Sir Honksalot and wondering what became of him. Simon and I have owned quite a few vehicles between us in the eleven years we have been together and the other night I got out a notebook and tried jotting them down in order of purchase. Not counting the two motorbikes, we have owned 23 vehicles between us in eleven years. So, listed below with photos of the ones that we have photographic evidence for, is the complete list of Cornish cars in order of purchase starting with the earliest. Some stayed with us longer than others, most died but some were sold on ...
1) Blue Austin Metro
Bought by Simon for around £50. Interesting feature was that it had to be started with a screwdriver rather than a key.
2) Blue Austin Metro (Inchpractice)
This was my first car and I learnt to drive in him. He was in a much better condition than Simon's Metro and had a proper key to start him and everything. Named Inchpractice after a character in A Bit of Fry & Laurie, he passed on to my Mum and then my brother. Inchpractice exploded when my brother drove him back from Glastonbury in 2000 with no oil in... or something.
3) Blue 1980 Ford Granada (The Beast)
Simon bought this huge fuel guzzling car on a whim when he thought he was in the Sweeny. The automatic gearbox was a problem and it soon stopped going into reverse causing us problems in narrow cul-de-sacs. Eventually it stopped going forward too. With a little tweaking Simon managed to convince someone to take it off his hands. He sold it to a man who arrived to view it in the train station car park. The car he turned up in was in serious trouble and he unloaded his familiy from it and drove off in The Beast leaving his previous wreck of a car abandoned in the car park.
4) Blue Fiat Uno
This car was a mistake! We bought it from a friend when we moved to London and we didn't really need a car. I couldn't get the hang of driving it and it always seemed to cut out on me. We didn't have it long and sold it to a lady who lived on the same housing estate as us in Peckham. The first time she came to view it it wouldn't start but she was not one to give up easily and bought it a few days later.
5) White Peugeot 106 Graduate
After getting shot of the Fiat Simon managed to talk me into getting another motorbike and we had this as our only form of transport for more than a year. Following a very wet Big Chill where we got soaked on the bike and our cheapo tent leaked we decided to go back to four wheels. We had spent time in a friend's VW camper at the festival and we decided that we would get one too. However, to sell the bike quickly as winter was approaching, we took a Peugeot 106 as part exchange. Luckily we didn't have it for very long before we found someone happy to take it in part exchange for a camper.
6) White 1979 VW Westfalia Camper (Sir Honksalot)
Honky was great fun even though he was left-hand drive and I couldn't park him very easily. We had him about three years which probably makes him our longest serving vehicle along with Mr Green.
We bought Honky from a chap called Miles on Hayling Island and he neglected to tell us that there was no petrol in him. We got about 2 miles down the road in the pouring rain when Sir Honksalot stopped dead. On trying to find a petrol station in a torrential downpour a woman took pity on us and gave us a lift to the petrol station and back again.
We had some very happy times in Honky but he did break down a lot. There was one Christmas when we were living in Farnham when he broke down on Christmas Eve morning as we had just left for Norwich. He conked out going through a puddle on a roundabout but was fine when he dried out. His engine blew up on another occasion and we had to buy a new one. There always seemed to be bits falling off him but we loved him and had festival fun with him on several occasions.
I remember one time when I was very ill and we had planned to go up to Norwich from Surrey. I put my pyjamas on and pulled the bed out and slept the whole way there. We also slept outside people's houses after house parties.
We sold Sir Honksalot for more than we had paid for him (not counting the new engine we had to fork out for) and he was bought by a man who looked like Rob Brydon. I did shed a tear the day he was driven away.
7) Yellow Suzuki SC100 (Gonzo)
Simon bought Gonzo on a whim as he was only £220 and he thought he would be a bit more economical as a run-about car. I had never seen anything so funny in my life when we went to view and we christened him Gonzo because of his unique appearance. Gonzo got stuck in first gear at some traffic lights one day and we could never get him out again so we gave him away free of charge to a man who said he would take him on a race track.
8) White BMW 525E Automatic (Pimpy)
In 2001 Simon and I decided to go to Gretna Green to get married. It was a very long journey and we feared that neither Sir Honksalot nor Gonzo would make the journey so Simon bought Pimpy. We cruised up in style and comfort and when we got back Simon managed to talk his step-dad into buying him from us. He had Pimpy for over a year but then things started to go wrong and eventually Pimpy was scrapped.
9) Silver Suzuki SC100 (Hercules)
Just before the demise of Gonzo we somehow seemed to acquire another SC100. He was in a much better condition than Gonzo, less rust and had a better gearbox. By this time we had moved to Wimbledon but I still had to go down to Surrey to university so had fun nipping down the A3 in Hercy. He lasted a while and I used him when I started at Dogs Today. He was not very good on icy roads and after taking a spin on the ice in Godalming we decided to get rid of him and get a proper car. Hercy also didn't have any heating so it was rather difficult driving him in the snow with the windscreen icing up as you drove.
10) Red Ford Fiesta (Swifty)
We borrowed Swifty from our friend Andrew Swift when we had tickets to go to the Big Chill and Honky broke just before we were due to go. There was no way that we could fit all of our camping equipment into Hercy so Swifty did nicely. Shortly after Andrew moved to the States and we ended up buying the car from him.
11) Red Honda CRX
I don't know if we still had Swifty at the point that Simon bought the CRX but I suspect he traded him in. I remember this car being rather nice and it was the car we took to Battersea when we got Max. It didn't have a proper boot as such but Max laid perfectly still in the back of it all the way home.
12) Maroon Ford Escort
This was my sensible car to commute to work. It had a heater and back seats and seemed terribly boring compared to what I was used to. Still, he served his purpose for a while.
13) Brown Triumph Dolomite
Simon bought the Dolomite when he fancied himself as a bit of a second-hand car dealer and thought he could make a few quid on this car. Needless to say he didn't and we had trouble shifting it. It was around this time that Simon's insurance company telephoned him to say that now he had five vehicles he would qualify for "mini fleet" insurance.
14) Blue Ford Escort
This must have come after the CRX I think. I don't know why we ended up with this car, it wasn't very nice. Simon bought it from the mechanic we used in Godalming.
15) Green Subaru Impreza 1.8 GL (Mr Green)
While I was at Crufts in March 2003, as well as losing his wedding ring, Simon bought Mr Green. I must have had a bit of a skid in the Escort because Simon decided that I needed a four-wheel drive car. Mr Green was complete luxury and the nicest car I had ever driven. He had a CD player and stereo speakers that both worked. He had his indicators on the proper side, plenty of boot space, nice tight gears and power steering. If it had not been for me falling in love with Mr Sparkle I would still have Mr Green. He was a wonderful car and had done so many trouble-free miles.
16) Black VW Corrado
Simon was feeling the need for speed and eventually had to get something a bit sportier. After reading very favourable things about the Corrado Simon found one and bought it. He really wanted a Subaru with a turbo but couldn't afford it.
17) Black Subaru Impreza WRX Import (Mr Black)
Our financial situation hadn't changed but Simon worked out a way to get his hands on an Impreza. His friend Chris was a big influence here I think. Mr Black was very nice but after a couple of disasterous trips to Wales Simon could not really afford the insurance or afford to get caught speeding again. Mr Black was sold to a man who lived with his mum and put ugly gold stickers all over the car when he got it home.
18) White Range Rover (Rangey)
Simon decided that economical was the way to go and so we bought the Rangey as it ran on LGP. We had to go all the way up to Birmingham to get it and it wouldn't start. Eventually it did start and we got it home but Rangey was not the most practical of vehicles. I drove it to work one day and felt a bit of a breeze on the back of my neck. I turned round to see the back window had flown open and Max was hanging out of the back.
The Range Rover was swapped via a swapping website with a man who had a Vauxhall Omega. After about 5 hours of the man fitting his disabled equipment into the Rangey he took it away. It then broke and although we helped him out with a new gearbox he was not happy. Judging from the state of the Omega he liked to thrash his engines and had little respect for the cars he owned.
19) Duck egg blue Nissan Figaro (Mr Sparkle)
With the money from the sale of Mr Black we went down to Brighton and bought Mr Sparkle, my dream car, after he was imported from Japan. With only 20,000 ever made they are quite rare. They have gone up in value since we got him as there are now not many left in Japan but I hope to hang on to him for as long as I am able.
20) Green Vauxhall Omega
Max liked this car because it was a saloon so he had to sit on the nice leather upholstery. He even had the heated seat switched on for him. This was an executive car and, as well as the leather interior, it had sat nav, cruise control, air con, electric everything and a CD changer. It was an old man's car and really didn't suit either of us so it had to go.
21) Black Subaru Impreza WRX Estate (The Chief)
Just before moving back to Norfolk Simon decided, against my better judgement, that it would be a good idea to buy another Subaru. It was a lovely car but not very economical with high insurance so shortly after moving we were on the look out for a more practical commuter car.
22) Blue Suzuki Ignis (Mr Blue Sky)
Mr Blue Sky was the same colour as a Subaru but a lot smaller and a lot slower - perfect - or was he? At first we found his bounciness fun but when Simon rolled him spectacularly last May it was no laughing matter. The car was DOA but luckliy Simon crawled out with only a couple of scratches.
23) Black Seat Ibiza (Vince Noir)
I am not sure how long Vince Noir will be with us. It depends if Simon can work out a plan to get another Subaru. Vince is a lovely car to drive, not very fast but very economical which suits us.
1) Blue Austin Metro
Bought by Simon for around £50. Interesting feature was that it had to be started with a screwdriver rather than a key.
2) Blue Austin Metro (Inchpractice)
This was my first car and I learnt to drive in him. He was in a much better condition than Simon's Metro and had a proper key to start him and everything. Named Inchpractice after a character in A Bit of Fry & Laurie, he passed on to my Mum and then my brother. Inchpractice exploded when my brother drove him back from Glastonbury in 2000 with no oil in... or something.
3) Blue 1980 Ford Granada (The Beast)
Simon bought this huge fuel guzzling car on a whim when he thought he was in the Sweeny. The automatic gearbox was a problem and it soon stopped going into reverse causing us problems in narrow cul-de-sacs. Eventually it stopped going forward too. With a little tweaking Simon managed to convince someone to take it off his hands. He sold it to a man who arrived to view it in the train station car park. The car he turned up in was in serious trouble and he unloaded his familiy from it and drove off in The Beast leaving his previous wreck of a car abandoned in the car park.
4) Blue Fiat Uno
This car was a mistake! We bought it from a friend when we moved to London and we didn't really need a car. I couldn't get the hang of driving it and it always seemed to cut out on me. We didn't have it long and sold it to a lady who lived on the same housing estate as us in Peckham. The first time she came to view it it wouldn't start but she was not one to give up easily and bought it a few days later.
5) White Peugeot 106 Graduate
After getting shot of the Fiat Simon managed to talk me into getting another motorbike and we had this as our only form of transport for more than a year. Following a very wet Big Chill where we got soaked on the bike and our cheapo tent leaked we decided to go back to four wheels. We had spent time in a friend's VW camper at the festival and we decided that we would get one too. However, to sell the bike quickly as winter was approaching, we took a Peugeot 106 as part exchange. Luckily we didn't have it for very long before we found someone happy to take it in part exchange for a camper.
6) White 1979 VW Westfalia Camper (Sir Honksalot)
Honky was great fun even though he was left-hand drive and I couldn't park him very easily. We had him about three years which probably makes him our longest serving vehicle along with Mr Green.
We bought Honky from a chap called Miles on Hayling Island and he neglected to tell us that there was no petrol in him. We got about 2 miles down the road in the pouring rain when Sir Honksalot stopped dead. On trying to find a petrol station in a torrential downpour a woman took pity on us and gave us a lift to the petrol station and back again.
We had some very happy times in Honky but he did break down a lot. There was one Christmas when we were living in Farnham when he broke down on Christmas Eve morning as we had just left for Norwich. He conked out going through a puddle on a roundabout but was fine when he dried out. His engine blew up on another occasion and we had to buy a new one. There always seemed to be bits falling off him but we loved him and had festival fun with him on several occasions.
I remember one time when I was very ill and we had planned to go up to Norwich from Surrey. I put my pyjamas on and pulled the bed out and slept the whole way there. We also slept outside people's houses after house parties.
We sold Sir Honksalot for more than we had paid for him (not counting the new engine we had to fork out for) and he was bought by a man who looked like Rob Brydon. I did shed a tear the day he was driven away.
7) Yellow Suzuki SC100 (Gonzo)
Simon bought Gonzo on a whim as he was only £220 and he thought he would be a bit more economical as a run-about car. I had never seen anything so funny in my life when we went to view and we christened him Gonzo because of his unique appearance. Gonzo got stuck in first gear at some traffic lights one day and we could never get him out again so we gave him away free of charge to a man who said he would take him on a race track.
8) White BMW 525E Automatic (Pimpy)
In 2001 Simon and I decided to go to Gretna Green to get married. It was a very long journey and we feared that neither Sir Honksalot nor Gonzo would make the journey so Simon bought Pimpy. We cruised up in style and comfort and when we got back Simon managed to talk his step-dad into buying him from us. He had Pimpy for over a year but then things started to go wrong and eventually Pimpy was scrapped.
9) Silver Suzuki SC100 (Hercules)
Just before the demise of Gonzo we somehow seemed to acquire another SC100. He was in a much better condition than Gonzo, less rust and had a better gearbox. By this time we had moved to Wimbledon but I still had to go down to Surrey to university so had fun nipping down the A3 in Hercy. He lasted a while and I used him when I started at Dogs Today. He was not very good on icy roads and after taking a spin on the ice in Godalming we decided to get rid of him and get a proper car. Hercy also didn't have any heating so it was rather difficult driving him in the snow with the windscreen icing up as you drove.
10) Red Ford Fiesta (Swifty)
We borrowed Swifty from our friend Andrew Swift when we had tickets to go to the Big Chill and Honky broke just before we were due to go. There was no way that we could fit all of our camping equipment into Hercy so Swifty did nicely. Shortly after Andrew moved to the States and we ended up buying the car from him.
11) Red Honda CRX
I don't know if we still had Swifty at the point that Simon bought the CRX but I suspect he traded him in. I remember this car being rather nice and it was the car we took to Battersea when we got Max. It didn't have a proper boot as such but Max laid perfectly still in the back of it all the way home.
12) Maroon Ford Escort
This was my sensible car to commute to work. It had a heater and back seats and seemed terribly boring compared to what I was used to. Still, he served his purpose for a while.
13) Brown Triumph Dolomite
Simon bought the Dolomite when he fancied himself as a bit of a second-hand car dealer and thought he could make a few quid on this car. Needless to say he didn't and we had trouble shifting it. It was around this time that Simon's insurance company telephoned him to say that now he had five vehicles he would qualify for "mini fleet" insurance.
14) Blue Ford Escort
This must have come after the CRX I think. I don't know why we ended up with this car, it wasn't very nice. Simon bought it from the mechanic we used in Godalming.
15) Green Subaru Impreza 1.8 GL (Mr Green)
While I was at Crufts in March 2003, as well as losing his wedding ring, Simon bought Mr Green. I must have had a bit of a skid in the Escort because Simon decided that I needed a four-wheel drive car. Mr Green was complete luxury and the nicest car I had ever driven. He had a CD player and stereo speakers that both worked. He had his indicators on the proper side, plenty of boot space, nice tight gears and power steering. If it had not been for me falling in love with Mr Sparkle I would still have Mr Green. He was a wonderful car and had done so many trouble-free miles.
16) Black VW Corrado
Simon was feeling the need for speed and eventually had to get something a bit sportier. After reading very favourable things about the Corrado Simon found one and bought it. He really wanted a Subaru with a turbo but couldn't afford it.
17) Black Subaru Impreza WRX Import (Mr Black)
Our financial situation hadn't changed but Simon worked out a way to get his hands on an Impreza. His friend Chris was a big influence here I think. Mr Black was very nice but after a couple of disasterous trips to Wales Simon could not really afford the insurance or afford to get caught speeding again. Mr Black was sold to a man who lived with his mum and put ugly gold stickers all over the car when he got it home.
18) White Range Rover (Rangey)
Simon decided that economical was the way to go and so we bought the Rangey as it ran on LGP. We had to go all the way up to Birmingham to get it and it wouldn't start. Eventually it did start and we got it home but Rangey was not the most practical of vehicles. I drove it to work one day and felt a bit of a breeze on the back of my neck. I turned round to see the back window had flown open and Max was hanging out of the back.
The Range Rover was swapped via a swapping website with a man who had a Vauxhall Omega. After about 5 hours of the man fitting his disabled equipment into the Rangey he took it away. It then broke and although we helped him out with a new gearbox he was not happy. Judging from the state of the Omega he liked to thrash his engines and had little respect for the cars he owned.
19) Duck egg blue Nissan Figaro (Mr Sparkle)
With the money from the sale of Mr Black we went down to Brighton and bought Mr Sparkle, my dream car, after he was imported from Japan. With only 20,000 ever made they are quite rare. They have gone up in value since we got him as there are now not many left in Japan but I hope to hang on to him for as long as I am able.
20) Green Vauxhall Omega
Max liked this car because it was a saloon so he had to sit on the nice leather upholstery. He even had the heated seat switched on for him. This was an executive car and, as well as the leather interior, it had sat nav, cruise control, air con, electric everything and a CD changer. It was an old man's car and really didn't suit either of us so it had to go.
21) Black Subaru Impreza WRX Estate (The Chief)
Just before moving back to Norfolk Simon decided, against my better judgement, that it would be a good idea to buy another Subaru. It was a lovely car but not very economical with high insurance so shortly after moving we were on the look out for a more practical commuter car.
22) Blue Suzuki Ignis (Mr Blue Sky)
Mr Blue Sky was the same colour as a Subaru but a lot smaller and a lot slower - perfect - or was he? At first we found his bounciness fun but when Simon rolled him spectacularly last May it was no laughing matter. The car was DOA but luckliy Simon crawled out with only a couple of scratches.
23) Black Seat Ibiza (Vince Noir)
I am not sure how long Vince Noir will be with us. It depends if Simon can work out a plan to get another Subaru. Vince is a lovely car to drive, not very fast but very economical which suits us.
posted by Martha at 1:50 pm
6 Comments:
That was a fantastic bit of blogging and caused me much laughter. It's funny because it is true.
I would like to add some additional facts I think worthy of mention.
Sir Honksalot was also known as Honky Busface. After he ran out of petrol the day we bought him, he wouldn't run properly probably because some petrol tank grinit had been sucked through the carburretor and spoiled it somewhat. It ran fine after I stripped down the carb and took a file to it. I'm like a real man.
Hercules, despite being in much better condition than Gonzo, cost just 100 pounds! This is because the owner was moving to London and wouldn't have anywhere to park him. I screwed him!
I sold Swifty because he had an annoying habit of breaking down for 2 minutes on the A3. Once I had to rub up against a barrier to keep the freeway clear. He went to a foreign man who didn't know any better.
I sold the CRX because the clutch pedal went wobbly and couldn't be fixed. This didn't stop someone else from buying him from me.
The blue Ford Escort was purchased because we sold a lot of cars on ebay, leaving me with none to get to the Big Chill. When I got there I found I couldn't lock any of the doors. Prad, the local garage owner had spent 3 days preparing this piece of ex-hire high-mileage cr*p for me, and I sold it within about 2 months.
The swapping of the disabled controls from the Omega to the Range Rover took 6 hours with my help, finishing at midnight on one of the coldest evenings of the year. Karen and I ate our over-cooked dinner at midnight, and she wasn't in a bad mood with me which is just like her.
The reason the Omega had to go was because it broke down on a dual carriageway and I had to wait 4 hours for the AA who had forgotten to assign a recovery man. We are no longer with the AA. The Omega's big end wasn't repairable but it sold at an auction for £240 to a nice man who called me to ask if I had the manual for it.
Hello! I have enjoyed reading all about your old cars. I never met some of them, and some of them I have very fond memories of.
Honky was my favourite, obviously. I have some very fond memories of him, and I even wrote a poem about him. I composed it in the library at uni and it went something like this:
Oh Honky is a big white van
Driven by a funky man
Called Simon and his missus who
Accompanies him on his journeys through
Farnham and the streets around
Their adventures really know no bounds.
Wow, I can't believe I remembered it. I think I wooed Nick with that particular piece of poetry.
I also remember sleeping in Honky, on the way back from Farnham. Was it after Simon and Nick's joint 30th Mr Jelly party? I slept all the way back, and he was very comfy.
As for the other cars, I remember Pimpy as Simon's Dad said it smelt like a tart's handbag.
I very much remember Gonzo! Who could forget him? My favourite Gonzo-memory was seeing this small yellow car in front of me on the A11 heading to Norwich one day. You had set off about an hour before, and I roared past you in my thrashed out Nova called Louie. I thought 'no, it couldn't be', but how many other cars looked like that!? We had a nice road-side chat and then went on our way!
We came to stay with you the day you bought Mr Sparkle home. I'd never seen a Figaro before, but I thought he was very pretty, and very unique. I'm glad he is still with you, he's a very 'you' car.
The Chief took us Guilfest, and we sang The Lion Sleeps Tonight in him to the toll booth lady, who laughed at us. Happy memories...*sigh*
Boo to MBS for nearly killing our best mate. I hope he rots in a scrap yard.
Vince Noir is a very comfy ride and I enjoyed going to Yarmouth in him. I am looking forward to many more adventures in him.
Is Simon the most cars-owned-man ever?
I could list all my cars, but I don't think it would take very long.
I've just remembered two other memories I have of Honky. One was when we went shopping in Guilfest, the day Nick and I got together. We were sitting on the back seat listening to garage music. What was that about?
The other is when it was my birthday (IT'S MY BIRTHDAY), and you and Simes came down to see me and Nick at my parents and we went to Dreamland (RIP) and you cried after going on the ancient wooden roller coaster. You spent the night on my parents' driveway. That was such fun.
We always listened to a bit of Artful Dodger in the bus - re-e-wind!
I remember another Honky memory. Do you remember when the four of us went camping in Essex somewhere and we had a BBQ and you found a rusty old camping chair in the bushes and sat on it and it broke? And we went to Gnome Magic and it wasn't all we dreamt it would be...
Oh yes - I don't remember the camping chair, but I do remember you and Simes listening to the Carry on Camping music, and laughing at me and Nick struggling to put the tent up while you relaxed with a cuppa. You took about two minutes to set Honky up.
I also remember the man who's tent somehow moved in the middle of the night. When we went to bed, it was on the grass, and when we woke up in the morning, it had moved 6ft onto the concrete behind. Why? How?
We don't speak of Gnome Magic.
My favourite was The Beast, but I didn't like pushing him out of a parking place because reverse didn't work any more (he way about the same as the Nostromo - 63,000 Tonnes!).
I liked it when the impromptu hi-fi equipment in him picked up police radio, from the police car who questioned Simon in the petrol station, (they said he was a bit mouthy!) on the way down to Newquay.
I also liked pulling a goo gun drive by on the kids in Victoria Street, in revenge of their ambush.
He was a beast!
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